I was really beginning to hate my life. Motherhood was NOT what I expected it to be.
Here I was working my ass off all day, trying to run my own virtual assisting business (because funds were running low), I had 2 kids at home who were touching EVERYTHING and they just wouldn’t give me a break! The little shits wouldn’t take a day nap, they were destroying the house, and the screaming was ringing in my ears! Not to mention all the constant washing and cleaning I had to do! It was driving me insane!
I couldn’t even take a client call. I would go outside to get some peace and the kids followed me! I would lock the door to keep them inside while I talked outside, but they would be banging the sliding door!
I felt like I was failing. I felt like I was just a “stay at home mum” who was doing jobs on the side for extra money. I was trying so hard to run a business but it was just a constant struggle. I felt like my friends (who popped in with their kids for a cup of coffee and a “play date”), had no belief in me or my business either.
Every day was like that. I was worn out, I felt unappreciated and just over it. It was so unfair! How could other people make being a “working mum” look so simple? I tried so hard to be THAT MUM that could juggle everything seamlessly and be happy.
I envied my husband. He had a good life. He got to drive to and from work every day. Oh what a luxury! He didn’t have kids screaming in his ear. He could go to the toilet in peace and actually achieve something productive during the day. And the best bit, when it was knock off time, he could drop everything, clear his mind and walk out the office doors! He even got peace and quiet on the drive home! He could actually listen to the radio! Then he could come home, and he was the “hero” in my kids eyes. They just LOVED him and missed him so much. It was not fair that he had it so easy and I wasn’t given a break. It was not fair that the kids loved seeing him so much, but “I” who have been slaving all day over them, didn’t even get a “thank you”.
So when my husband came home and asked “So, what’s for dinner honey?” I let it rip!
How DARE he ask me that after all the shit I went through today! Didn’t he realise that Oliver drew all over my clients advertisement? Thomas took all the sticky tape and taped his sandwich to the window? The stairway was covered in bits of cat food, my white leather lounge had black marker all over it and the document I worked on for 2 hours has disappeared off my computer because one of the kids switched the power off at the wall! What did he think I did all day!?! Sit on the fucken couch doing internet shopping and letting the kids trash the house?!
I am so thankful that my life has changed, and it is so simple now!
I don’t experience those stresses anymore or experience that anger that used to build up. I was such an angry mum back then. What I didn’t see back then was the damage I was causing to my relationship with my husband, the damage I was doing to my kids by constantly yelling at them and my business was never going to succeed no matter how hard I tried.
I was so busy trying to control the house, keep it clean, keep the kids fed, bring in money, that I was missing out on seeing the most important things I needed to be happy. By focusing on the negatives and giving it more negative energy, I was actually bringing in more frustrations, more bad luck and more anger. Because I was so angry and frustrated, I couldn’t even see that my husband & kids really loved me and appreciated everything I did. I was too busy blaming them for my unhappiness that I couldn’t see it!
I had to accept that I could only wear “one” hat at a time. By sending the kids to kindy I was able to have quality work time and earn money. When I had the kids with me, I could put on my “mummy hat” and have quality time with the kids. I realised, I couldn’t be a mum and run a business at the same time. Sending the kids to kindy wasn’t something I should feel guilty for. Quality of time was much better than quantity of time.
It was hard to send them to kindy, I cried from how much guilt I had. I felt like I was a bad mum and that I was showing the world that earning money was more important than my kids. But this was just MY belief and it was something I had to let go of.
And I did.
Just. Like. That.
Life wasn’t “unfair” and I wasn’t a victim. In fact, I was the common denominator and the cause of the unhappiness in my home. Something needed to change and that something was me, and it was the best feeling of release once I finally was able to change my perspective.
It wasn’t my clients who saw me as an unsuccessful business owner. That was MY belief.
It wasn’t my friends who had no faith in me and my business. That was ME.
Once I freed myself of the struggle, my relationship with my husband flourished, I started getting clients and lots of referrals, and I really started seeing my beautiful children in a new light for the first time! I loved being with them, I loved being a mum and we were having so much fun!
I finally have the perfect work-life balance. At the time of my struggle, I couldn’t see how it was possible, but I achieved it!
Within a few hours I had my shit together and everything changed! Life flowed, and I felt a lot more relaxed, calm and happy!
And you can easily do this too!
Download my FREE ebook “Struggle of the Juggle” and see if you can use any of the tips to help you.
If you want to cut the crap and find out exactly how you can also let go of a lifetime of beliefs, struggles and frustrations that are holding you back (in a mere 90 minute session) then give me a call!
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